We’ve all been there. Our children are being fresh, defiant, uncooperative. We try at first to be calm, then we start bribing, and, more often than not, we end up yelling or punishing. We get discourage, angry at our children, and angry at ourselves. What can we do instead?
Whenever I get annoyed or angry with my grandchildren, I try to bring this quote to mind:
"Thinking of your child as 'behaving badly' disposes you to think of punishment. Thinking of your child as 'struggling to handle something difficult' encourages you to help them through their distress." ~ Wisconsin Family Ties and then I remember my parenting mantra and put it into action:
Acknowledge child’s feelings. Not just the ones you agree with. Not just the ones that “make sense.” Not just the ones the fit into your agenda. Acknowledge all of your children’s feelings!
This can be hard to do! I suggest you remember that accepting or mirroring your child’s feelings does not mean that you have to accept any bad behavior that goes along with the feeling.
Offer choices or give information.
These three skills are usually enough to encourage a child to cooperate since he or she feels heard, seen and respected. I’ll be talking about this parenting mantra and answering questions about parenting at my upcoming talk at Ibiza Kidz on 9/14/18 @ 7pm. Ibiza Kidz 340 First Ave (19th & 20th St.) Call for details and to reserve your spot 212-228-1114.
Or, sign up for an up-coming 6-week workshop, starting in mid-October where we will dive deep into how to effectively parent with compassion. In this interactive 6-week workshop we will discuss ways to engage your child’s cooperation, encourage autonomy, learn effective ways to praise and insure your child’s high self-esteem. If you sign up and mention Mom2Mom I will give you $20 off of the 6 week workshop. http://theparentwhispererny.com/
Susan Nason has been running “How To Talk” and “Siblings Without Rivalry” workshops for over 40 years. She was trained by her Aunt, author Adele Faber. Susan recently retired from her position as Assistant to Director of The First Presbyterian Church Nursery School to work with parents as they navigate their unique parenting journey. She is the proud mother of one grown daughter and ecstatic grandmother of 2 granddaughters. She has a thriving international parenting coach practice and is often on the lecture circuit, speaking at schools, including Horace Mann, Brick Church, City and Country as well as parent-centered organizations such as The Parents League, Hudson River Park Mamas, Selini Institute, and Bowery Babes. She has appeared as an expert on the Rosie Pope show.