Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut...
I saw them before I was pregnant, before I had kids, before having kids was even a thought in my mind. You know them....the scattered moms who have kids running around crazy, looking like they threw on the first thing they pulled out of their drawers and having that dead look in their eyes like they are five seconds away from a melt down themselves. I swore I would not be one of them, I swore I would have it more together than that.....all of the swearing in the world can't avoid it, it is our destiny as a mom.
Now, maybe you have some of your sh** together in one area or another but guaranteed you don't have it together in all areas....how could you with these little hatchlings attached to you every minute of every day? I try as hard as I can to throw on something presentable when I go out in public but it doesn't always work. I try as hard as I can to have my kids in control when I go out in public but my second pretty much has given the big F-U to that idea. I try as hard as I can to concentrate on a conversation I am having with an adult but somehow or another my attention is always diverted to one of my children. Is my son playing with the other kids or is he being too shy? Is my daughter bringing the crazy and dancing inappropriately (we have no idea where this comes from) or is she acting like a normal human being? You know how it is....you have a million things going on in your mind and somehow having the adult conversation is the last thing you are focused on.
Speaking of focus....apparently I have developed ADHD since having children since I can't focus for more than a two minute clip....even writing this is hard since my daughter is currently playing with her doll house at a level 10 when a level 5 would be more suitable for me to focus. I will find myself in a full on conversation with someone and literally think back and not remember what any of it was about because of the aforementioned scenario. I will find myself saying these broad statements like, "Oh...ok," or "I hear ya!" when really, I don't! Am I losing my mind?!?! Speaking of my mind that apparently is gone too.....most of all my memory....where the hell did that go?!?! Before kids I could literally remember everything on my agenda without needing a calendar but now I am lucky to remember what I have later that day. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, needs to be written down on a calendar. I like to blame this on the fact that I am now keeping track of 4 schedules instead of one but I really think I must have lost a lot of brain cells during pregnancy. My pregnancy brain turned into newborn mommy/zombie brain which turned in to mommy brain and now unfortunately for me it is just gone. Farewell memory it was nice knowing you.....or did I ever really? I can't remember!
One last way that I know I have boarded the crazy train is the insane stuff that comes out of my mouth these days. Things like, "Don't stare at it, eat it!" when my kids just sit at dinner and complain about the many ways in which they hate the dinner I cooked. ( Ugh, the image of American Psycho always plays in my mind after saying that phrase.) When reprimanding my kids I say things like, "I know I taught you to eat with a fork and spoon...why can't you just eat like a human being?" or, "Please don't watch your brother pee he doesn't like it." Really? Are these they types of conversations I have been reduced to?
So ladies sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't but I guess that part of being a mom. How foolish I was to think that I would not end up being one of those scattered moms....ah, delusion you are something else, aren't you? For those moms who do have it together, those Stepford moms, you are in a whole other category and have a whole other set of problems.....perhaps you will be the subject of my next blog post. For the rest of us nutters you just keep rocking on with your crazy self because guess what? Being true to ourselves is the best thing we can do so embrace the crazy and realize this is just our new normal.