It isn't about bubble baths and mani-pedis. I'm not talking about the glass(es) of wine you finish off the evening with or the massage you got yourself for your birthday.
What do you need?
All humans have essential needs: air, water, food, shelter, safety. And all of us have other needs as well - needs that are specific to us. What do you really and truly need to thrive?
Is it time to write, or an hour to take a walk by yourself each day? Is it a weekly game of basketball with friends, or the time you spend planning out your week in your bullet journal? Is it getting lost in a world of paints and canvas or hiring someone to clean your house once a week?
Do you know what you need?
Why do you need it?
Self-care is not selfish. So many of us are in abusive relationships that we will never get out of. We will be in those relationships until we die, and they may very well be speeding that day along. It's tragic because this relationship could be the most beautiful in our lives. I'm talking about the relationship that we have with ourselves. Would you allow anyone to treat your best friend the way you treat yourself? How do you want your child to grow up and treat themselves?
What's stopping you?
Who's voice is it telling you that your love of singing is frivolous, or that your need to escape the house makes you a bad mother?
Who are you comparing yourself to? Are you thinking of the mom blogger you follow online who always seems to have everything together and somehow manages to make delicious meals and post the recipes and videos of them daily? How could you ever live up to that?
Are you thinking about the refugee mom you saw on the news who escaped Syria with her three children and has nothing to start over with but hope? How dare you complain in the face of her suffering!
You cannot live anyone else's life but your own.
You have this one life. You have today - right now. This gift of time. This body. This brain. This heart. This soul. You have these things and they are, quite frankly, miraculous. They are amazing. You can treat them like the gifts that they are and use them to create a rich and fulfilling life for yourself. Or you can keep treating yourself like crap and wondering why the bubble bath isn't working.
It really, honestly, doesn't have to be this hard.
If you're ready to make a change, I can help you. Join me in the Self-Care Bootcamp and we will change things for you. Give me at least an hour a week for four weeks and you can take back your life by Mother's Day. What an amazing present to give to yourself.
Graeme Seabrook is a Self-Care Coach who helps moms to find and re-center themselves in their lives. She has created The Self-Care Squad, a community on Facebook, where women come together to learn from each other and support each other on their self-care journeys. She is a blogger, a speaker, and a course creator. A mom to two toddlers, her personal squad resides in Charleston, SC.